July 25, 2015
The nature I see around me. . . ‘is’.
The butterfly doesn’t question, “Should I be a tree?”
The tree doesn’t question, “Should I be a bird?”
They know who they are. Their purpose is solid like that tree trunk.
I envy their sureness, for I am a wobbler swaying in the breeze.
I have heard it said, “Do what you love, the rest will come.”
For the first time in my life, career-wise I am doing what I love– writing for children– but, like a ship lost at sea, the rest has not come.
Instead, rejections have come. . .
sailing in with ease sometimes in multiples of two.
I have practiced The Secret:
- I know my books will be shelved next to Curious George in the public library.
- I have scotch-taped my book titles to book bindings on my home bookshelf.
- I have typed sweet words of affirmation, received on my blog, onto notecards and read them while washing dishes.
- Farmer Tom sends me daily postcards filled with encouraging words. 🙂
I have prayed.
Yet, still. . .
Maybe, I am not good enough.
Maybe, my passion is meant to be a hobby.
I wobble more.
I have spent the better part of two years learning the trade: taking classes, attending conferences, studying published works.
I write, and I write, and I write: before the sunrise, in the blackness of night, in my dreams.
I have completed every suggestion for publication: joined facebook, started this blog, joined a critique group, completed several manuscripts.
With each tap on the keyboard, my writing improves; yet, still. . .
Maybe, I should give up.
Watching my dream fade into the sunset, I feel miserable.
When I feel miserable, I have learned it is my soul telling me I am heading in the wrong direction. I am old enough to listen.
Attempting to change my misery, I wonder, Should I continue writing?
Immediately, with this thought, I feel better; thus,
I continue. . .
flying towards the sea. . .
in search of that lost ship.
And in the pursuing, comes joy.
Maybe I will die a wannabe writer, but I am not going to miss out on the joy that writing brings.
Regardless of judgment, do what you love.